My struggle to keep family safe while reporting the Gaza war

For astir 3 months, Adnan El-Bursh reported connected the warfare successful Gaza portion surviving successful a tent, eating 1 repast a day, and struggling to support his woman and 5 children safe. The BBC Arabic newsman shares the harrowing moments helium faced covering a warfare that pushed him to his limits.

Warning: This study contains descriptions and images immoderate readers whitethorn find distressing

One of the worst moments of the past six months was the nighttime we each slept connected the street. I looked astatine the faces of my woman and children, huddled successful the bitter acold successful Khan Younis successful confederate Gaza, and felt helpless.

My 19-year-old twins, Zakia and Batoul, laic connected the pavement alongside my daughter, Yumna, who is 14, my lad Mohamed, who is 8 and my youngest girl, Razan, aged five, with their mother, Zaynab.

As we tried to remainder extracurricular the Palestinian Red Crescent Society's headquarters, the sounds of shelling echoed done the nighttime and drones buzzed overhead.

We had managed to find an flat to rent, but the landlord had called earlier that day, saying the Israeli subject had warned him the gathering would beryllium bombed. I was moving astatine the time, but my household grabbed their bags and fled.

We met up astatine the Red Crescent headquarters, which was already overflowing with displaced people.

My member and I sat connected cardboard boxes each night, discussing what we should do.

We had fled our homes successful the municipality of Jabalia a fewer days earlier, connected 13 October, leaving astir of our possessions behind, aft the Israeli subject told everyone successful bluish Gaza to determination southbound for safety.

And present we had conscionable escaped being bombed successful the country we had been told to determination to. It was hard to deliberation straight. I felt angry, humiliated and unspeakable that I could not supply immoderate extortion for my family.

Eventually, my household moved to an flat successful Nuseirat successful cardinal Gaza, portion I stayed with the BBC squad successful a structure astatine Nasser infirmary successful Khan Younis. I visited each fewer days.

Communication was difficult, with net and telephone signals sometimes cut. Once I did not perceive from my household for 4 oregon 5 days.

In Khan Younis, the BBC squad - astir 7 of america - lived connected 1 repast a day. Even erstwhile determination was food, sometimes we did not devour it due to the fact that determination was hardly anyplace to spell to the toilet.

During this clip my friend, Al Jazeera bureau main Wael Al-Dahdouh, suffered a unspeakable loss.

The location his household had been staying successful was deed successful an Israeli aerial strike. His wife, teenage son, seven-year-old girl and one-year-old grandson were killed.

The Israeli subject says it takes "feasible precautions" to trim civilian casualties, and successful this lawsuit had "targeted Hamas violent infrastructure successful the area".

In Gaza, Palestinian journalists papers the warfare arsenic they unrecorded it connected a regular basis. In this BBC World Service film, we perceive the communicative of BBC Arabic's Reporter successful Gaza, Adnan El-Bursh who recovered himself reporting the news, arsenic helium was surviving done it.

I watched the footage of my friend, who I person known for 20 years, embracing his children's shroud-wrapped bodies successful cardinal Gaza. I wished I was determination with him.

The quality came amid a drawstring of reports astir the deaths of different friends, relatives and neighbours. My bosom ached. I person present mislaid astir 200 radical successful the war.

That time I wept unrecorded connected air, arsenic I was reporting. In the night, I woke up with tears covering my cheeks. Wael's representation ne'er near my mind.

I person covered conflicts successful Gaza for 15 years, but this warfare stands apart, from the unprecedented onslaught that triggered it, to the standard of the losses.

At 06:15 connected 7 October I was woken by large explosions and my children screaming. I went up to the rooftop and saw rockets being launched towards Israel from Gaza.

When we realised Hamas had breached the obstruction into Israel - successful its battle that saw astir 1,200 radical killed and 250 taken hostage - we knew the effect from Israel would beryllium similar thing we had seen before.

More than 34,000 radical person present been killed successful Gaza, according to the Hamas-run wellness ministry. The hazard of wounded and decease has been ever-present.

Two days into the war, I hurried to our section marketplace successful Jabalia, to banal up with food. It was engaged with others doing the same.

But the country was bombed heavy conscionable 10 minutes aft I left. The full spot was destroyed, including the ample market store wherever I had shopped moments earlier.

I knew the faces of the store owners. Many of them were among the dead.

Amnesty International says astatine slightest 69 radical were killed successful the onslaught and that it should beryllium investigated arsenic a warfare crime.

The Israeli subject has not responded to the BBC's question astir this incident.

Throughout the warfare it has said its cognition is targeting Hamas, which it says operates from civilian locations.

It besides says "strikes connected subject targets are taxable to applicable provisions of planetary law".

Before the war, Jabalia was a beautiful, tranquil town. I was calved determination and had been surviving a simple, contented beingness with my family, filled with emotion and plans for the future.

I had a workplace eastbound of the town, wherever I had planted olive, lemon, and orangish trees with my ain hands. It was peaceful and I loved to portion beverage determination aft work.

The time we decided to fly bluish Gaza for Khan Younis - leaving our homes and the BBC bureau successful Gaza City down - was a pivotal infinitesimal successful my life.

With much than 10 radical crammed into 1 car, my household and I crawled our mode south, on a azygous road, with tens of thousands of different people, connected ft and successful vehicles, each loaded with belongings.

The travel was punctuated by aerial strikes connected adjacent areas connected some sides of the road. Confusion, grief and uncertainty marked the faces of my household and the crowds.

The children kept asking me: "Where are we going? Will we beryllium backmost tomorrow?"

I truly privation I had taken our photograph album, afloat of pictures of maine arsenic a young child, my parents, and my woman and I erstwhile we got engaged. My dada was an Arabic teacher and I besides privation I had taken immoderate of his books that I kept aft helium died.

Later, I learned from a neighbour that my location had been wholly destroyed, and my workplace burned.

After that terrifying and surreal travel south, and our nighttime extracurricular the Red Crescent headquarters, I continued moving from Khan Younis for respective weeks. My household were inactive successful Nuseirat and being separated from them took a toll emotionally.

Then, successful aboriginal December, Israel began telling Gazans to permission parts of Khan Younis and determination to different areas, including Rafah, further south.

The Israeli subject besides closed the main roadworthy starring north, which connected maine and my family. I did not cognize however I would get to them oregon wherever we should spell if I did. Rafah was already overcrowded with hundreds of thousands of people, and determination was hardly anyplace to stay.

For days, I grappled with swirling emotions. News circulated astir Israeli forces advancing towards the main roads, seemingly aiming to disagreement the southbound from the cardinal and bluish regions. I was terrified that I - oregon my household - would beryllium killed and we would ne'er spot each different again.

For the archetypal clip I felt similar I had mislaid it. I did not adjacent cognize what time it was. I considered stopping enactment and returning to my family. If we died, we would dice together.

In the end, connected 11 December, I drove with a workfellow on a backmost roadworthy to Nuseirat. When I arrived, my youngest children rushed up to hug me, with Razan reaching circular my cervix and holding connected tight.

We managed to determination the household to Rafah. The BBC squad had besides relocated there, continuing to report. There were immoderate atrocious moments.

In precocious December, I reported arsenic the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) handed astir 80 bodies to the authorities successful Gaza. The IDF said it had taken them from Gaza to Israel truthful they could beryllium checked to spot if determination were immoderate hostages among them.

A ample lorry drove into the cemetery successful the Rafah area. The stench was overwhelming erstwhile the instrumentality was opened. Men successful aprons and masks placed the remains, wrapped successful bluish plastic, successful a wide sedate dug by an excavator successful the sandy ground.

I had ne'er seen a country similar that before. It is hard to picture however horrible it was.

Then, successful January, I was reporting from a infirmary successful Rafah erstwhile respective bodies were brought in, including different of Wael Al-Dahdouh's sons, Hamza, his eldest, who was besides a writer moving for Al Jazeera.

Who would archer Wael? It conscionable seemed impossible, aft the tragedies helium had already faced. I could not adjacent perceive arsenic 1 of my colleagues called idiosyncratic adjacent to Wael to walk connected the news.

Hamza and his colleague, freelance videographer Mustafa Thuraya, were killed successful an Israeli aerial onslaught connected their car, aft they had reported connected the aftermath of different onslaught successful the area.

The Israeli subject alleges they were "were members of Gaza-based violent organisations". The families and Al Jazeera cull the claims arsenic false.

The IDF says the 2 were operating drones "posing an imminent menace to IDF troops", but a Washington Post probe "found nary indications that either antheral was operating arsenic thing different than a writer that day".

More than 100 journalists person been killed successful Gaza since 7 October, according to Reporters Without Borders - the immense bulk are known to beryllium Palestinian.

The IDF says it "has never, and volition never, deliberately people journalists".

It says it "takes each operationally feasible measures to mitigate harm to civilians including journalists", but "remaining successful an progressive combat portion has inherent risks".

Eventually, the quality came that the BBC team's families had support to permission Gaza. Four weeks later, we excessively yet near done the Rafah crossing, facilitated by the Egyptian authorities.

I americium penning this successful Qatar. But I cognize that successful Jabalia, they person been pulling up writer and grinding carnal provender to eat, portion I'm present having meals successful a cleanable hotel. I find it hard to devour - it's similar eating poison.

The aboriginal is simply a blur. Gaza is my life. I privation to instrumentality 1 day, but for now, that seems impossible.