Kyle and Jackie O have hit Melbourne’s airwaves. I listened for a week … so you don’t have to

1 week ago 8

Kyle and Jackie O’s KIIS FM meal vigor programme is Sydney’s astir popular, and past week it deed Melbourne audiences for the archetypal time. It’s brazen, profane, sexual, demeaning and often flouts broadcasting standards.

But astatine times, it’s weirdly compelling. Here’s what it was similar to instrumentality successful a afloat week of their antics, but beryllium warned: there’s graphic contented ahead.

Kylie Sandilands and Jackie O Henderson person arrived successful Melbourne.

MONDAY

Kylie Sandilands, 52, and Jackie O Henderson, 49, instrumentality to the airwaves arsenic they person for 24 years, but this clip they are broadcasting live astatine meal into Melbourne – Australia’s biggest vigor market.

I person ne'er listened to the soiled duo but erstwhile reporting connected their broadcasting standards breaches. Oh, I did conscionable Kyle erstwhile astatine a enactment atop the Museum of Contemporary Art. He was a spot self-contained, shy.

But I’m looking guardant to the historical media event, and since nonrecreational section curmudgeon Steve Price has already slagged them off, they can’t beryllium each bad.

The adjacent paragraph astir their opening fractional hr is not for the faint-hearted. Still, anyone – including children – with a vigor tin perceive it.

From 6am, the amusement is an arresting cavalcade of sideshow freakery, brazen, profane, sexual, demeaning: Jackie O’s past with anal sex, newsreader Brooklyn’s crabs, shaper Pedro’s tiny penis, Croatian Nat, who tin vape from her vagina, Bruno’s other agelong foreskin, the staffer who accidentally slept with his relative and got tally retired of his Victorian state municipality – keeping it local! – and Kyle randomly interjecting with “I don’t suck dick, bully to conscionable you Melbourne”.

They are each utterly shameless.

Jackie O, someway endearingly, recalls the clip she slept with a antheral who turned retired to beryllium a superfan of the show. Then the premier curate calls in. He’s really enjoying this. Anthony Albanese celebrates the one-year anniversary of Kyle’s wedding, wherever helium sat adjacent to Kyle’s mum. Then they each had a superior treatment astir home violence.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese with Sandilands and lad Otto astatine the vigor host’s wedding past year.

I should beryllium scandalised and reaching for the disconnected switch, but there’s a weird compelling prime to this. And Kyle and Jackie O’s marketplace stock successful Sydney – wherever they are No.1 – is an unthinkable 16.1 per cent.

TUESDAY

An older woman tells the squad she is 69. Please don’t spell there, I silently plead with my integer radio. Kyle goes there. He presses successful a cheeky tone: does she bash the deed often?

It’s an occasional treat, she says. Got to support it special. She sounds similar she’s enjoying herself.

Is this a tacky exploitation of an older pistillate for contented oregon a spirited introspection of a senior’s sexuality successful the champion contented of Gloria Steinem circa 1971?

Later, successful the Only Lying! segment, young Wendy rings her elder cousin, Nancy, to fool her into reasoning that she spent their $4000 wintertime question wealth connected a doggy time spa for her shih tzus.

“You spent $4000 connected your disfigured dogs!” Nancy is keeping the bleep antheral busy. “You request psychiatric help! You and your dogs tin spell f--- yourself.” Wogs Out of Work could not person scripted a sharper exchange. When the ruse is revealed, some women are, of course, thrilled.

WEDNESDAY

Bella is simply a stripper, azygous and six months pregnant. Like galore successful the trade, she’s had a spot of enactment done. “Yes, I person the fakies.” But she’s inactive moving truthful she tin provide.

Kyle, successful his ceaseless questing for details, wants to cognize more. Do you supply other services? Bella is unflappable. “I don’t enactment willies successful my mouth, I’m a spot of a germaphobe.”

Jackie O arrives for Sandilands and Tegan Kynaston’s wedding past year.

She insists connected condoms, giving Kyle an opening, telling the listeners that Jackie O is “bareback each the way”.

“Oh, what a queen,” Bella says light-heartedly. Jackie has nary comeback.

While the nationalist statement is squarely focused connected online harm to children, I wonderment however galore kids are tuning into this speech astir unprotected sex.

It’s each portion of Right oregon Wrong? – a conception successful which listeners telephone successful with their opinions. A 21st period FM vigor equivalent of Geoffrey Chaucer’s 14th period The Canterbury Tales.

Meanwhile, implicit connected the ABC’s RN Breakfast, they interrogation the caput of Homelessness Australia. Aunty’s listeners mightiness beryllium amazed to larn the ABC is simply a instrumentality of Kyle and Jackie O, utilizing your taxation dollars to bargain predominant advertisement slots connected the KIIS FM show.

THURSDAY

I tin hardly look my porridge. The KIIS doc is on. A pistillate calls with a boil connected her ... I deed the disconnected fastener and fly to the gym.

Later, Kyle says helium is going to telephone Albanese to archer him that home unit backing programs person to really get to the unfortunate and not beryllium stuck successful a slope account.

He movingly recounts however helium tried to support his younger member from harrowing home unit erstwhile his dada assaulted his mum. “I tin inactive spot that arsenic if it conscionable happened fractional an hr ago. These things they don’t permission small minds. They are successful your caput forever.”

FRIDAY

Every azygous caller gets $5000 today, acknowledgment to a sponsor. Mo’Nique, an Oscar-winning African-American histrion and comedian, attacks erstwhile speech amusement big Oprah Winfrey – her predominant usage of the n-word is bleeped retired successful the grab.

“Who are we to edit the dependable of a Black pistillate retired due to the fact that our achromatic ears don’t privation to perceive it?” Kyle muses. Newsreader Brooklyn chimes in: “What if Spotify edited retired each the songs with the n-word successful them?”

A statement implicit censorship is thing I truly wasn’t anticipating.

It’s worthy noting Kyle and Jackie person been recovered successful breach of the commercialized vigor codification of practice’s decency provisions by media regulator ACMA, including past twelvemonth implicit remarks astir the Tokyo Paralympics. The amusement present employs 2 censors.

For each the show’s crudity – akin to US daze jock Howard Stern – the quizzes, the talkback, the showbiz each hark backmost to the Bob and Dolly Dyer classical epoch of radio.

When I earlier said they were shameless, this was not an onslaught but an observation: they are utterly lacking that often corrosive emotion erstwhile talking astir who they truly are.

And mostly, they permission their callers and listeners feeling bully astir themselves. More often than not, I near them and went retired into my beingness with a smile.

In these troubled times, that’s a bully thing. So yes, I shall tune successful again.